SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome to Mom's Brain is a Coffee Stain, the only podcast clinically proven to raise your blood pressure and your dopamine. I'm Kayla, Millennial Mom, current chaos coordinator of two spoil giants who think budget is a TikTok sound. Today we're talking with Cammy, founder of Step Together. Let's jump to the interview. Thank you for joining the show today, Cammy. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I'm doing well, Keller. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Good. Good. So let's just start off with knowing a little bit about you. You know, you started your career as an engineer, pivoted to start helping families build a relationship with food. What what made you do that?

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Ooh. Deep question right away. What made me do that? Well, it's a long story because often parents ask me, why is an engineer doing this? Why are you focusing on childhood excess weight? And of course, I do this because of the personal story that I have related to this, right? When I was a kid, my mom did everything she could. I was 100 pounds overweight most of my childhood, and she tried Janie Craig, Weight Watchers, dietitians, nutritionists, therapists, and nothing would work. And so I carried this excess weight and the patterns behind it, even when I was in engineering. And I was, it's not to brag, but pretty successful in it. I was in Silicon Valley. I had my own VR startup. And I was materially successful, but internally completely devastated.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

And so I was like, what's going on? Why am I succeeding so much in one part, but I can't seem to stop putting food in my mouth. And so I was, I got really curious about this. I kind of ejected from the engineering world trying to discover what is going on underneath this. And once I figured it out for myself, I'm like, I have to help these kids. There's millions of children who've been through exactly what I have, and their parents are worried and they're anxious and they don't know what's going on. So I set out to build this company called Step Together, where we help children with excess weight, but most importantly, addressing the root cause behind the excess weight.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

That is so wonderful. And it's kind of like you're you're helping some families identify it earlier so that they don't become adults and they're wondering, you know, why am I succeeding in this area? But yet I'm, you know, kind of going down your path. You're trying to stop it before it gets to that, which is so wonderful. I love that. And what made you realize that the traditional approaches to weight loss and health for kids are often missing the real problem? Was it just your experience or was it the research of it?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

It's both, but it's mostly the experience. Like I did hundreds of diets. Most people have like you do diets, you gain back the weight. You do diets, you gain back the weight. Like, what's what is truly going on? What is behind the behavior of you want to be healthy? There's no one who doesn't want to be healthy. There's no one who wants to be overweight. Yet some people succeed at losing the weight and keeping it off. And the statistics behind this are incredible. Only 4% of children who lose weight actually keep it off. So 96% of children who go through any kind of program or professional within the next five years, they have the gain, they gain all the weight back. So nothing works. And as an engineer, I'm like, okay, that's a big problem. How do we solve it? And so I went, I went to solve this. This to me is the most important problem to solve, at least personally, right? And so I set out to do this.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

That is amazing. And many parents might hear the phrase like emotional eating, um, but not really actually understand what it is or what it means. What does emotional eating actually like look like in children?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Well, first off, emotional eating is one of the root causes, right? The question is, what is causing a child to overeat? Eat more than they consume. Emotional eating is one of them. And emotional eating is very simply you're eating not because of your biological hunger, like your body actually needs the energy, but because you're trying to address some emotion. Sometimes the ocean emotion is boredom, right? Boredom is actually really painful. When's the last time like you had yourself or your kids sit still and be okay? Like they're angsty, they want to do something. Or sometimes it's anxiety, sometimes it's parents are going through some difficulty in their family or in their relationship, and the child bears the front of it. And sometimes it's something that happened at school. Like how so many times we hear parents say, like, hey, my daughter came back from school and they're rushing to the pantry. What's going on? When you dig a little bit deeper, it's because they've been called a name or something happened to them and they're like, Yeah, I know what's going to fix this. Sugar's gonna fix this, and they go straight for the sugar. But they're not really aware that it's happening, right? They're not conscious of their brain. It's just their brain has tricked them. Hunger is the best way to solve this. And so hunger is the only emotion that they feel most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Very interesting. And what are some early signs parents might notice that a child is using food to regulate their emotions?

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Well, very simply, if your child, it's a very common experience.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

You just had dinner. Ten minutes later, your kids all over you, mom, mom, give me something. I need some snacks. I'm hungry. How could this be? They just, their stuff, their stomach is physically full. You've seen it, you've seen them eat. How can they still be hungry? It's a very strong sign of emotional eating. Whether it's they're looking for dopamine, like very simply, okay, they might need some more stimulation. Maybe they're just, you know, looking for activity, maybe they need attention, or maybe it's an emotion. And it's very normal that this happens later in the evening because your your brain, the frontal lobes of the brain, the part of your brain that has control of executive function and your emotions naturally winds down at night. And so what comes up is your emotions. And a lot of time, what I experience myself and most people experience binge eating happens typically at night. Right? Oh. Okay. It's like you you spend the entire day following a diet, being healthy, and then suddenly at 9 p.m. your body's like, you know what? Let's just crush the entire bag of chips.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yeah. Yeah. And I totally understand. Like I have a 15-year-old, and I always say he is like a human garbage disposal. But it's funny because right before he has like summer break or spring break or anything like that, you know, we always buy like extra groceries because he's gonna be home. And I swear he is like a toddler again that needs to eat every two hours. But yet at school, he's okay with just having his packed lunch until he gets home and then, you know, having dinner. And I'm like, yeah, dude, you're not hungry. You're bored. Like, go outside, hit go to the pool or you know, do something. You're not hungry, you're bored. He's like, no, I'm actually starving. And I'm, you know, and part of it is, you know, they're growing and it's it's you have to kind of like watch it, of course. Um, so sometimes they do get a little extra hungry and because they are going through a growth spurt or something, but most of the times, uh, because I I'm telling you, I see him when he gets home from school and he is very, he has the same after-school snack that he has had since he was eight years old. It has not changed in seven years. And then, you know, he eats dinner, but that's it. You know, so I know he's not eating every two hours at school. So when he's home on these breaks, it's just because he's boredom. But like it's like you said, that's still emotional eating. He may not be coming home from school because and having like a bad day because maybe like maybe bullied him or something, or me and his dad may not be arguing, but he's still emotionally eating. Boredom is that emotion. He's trying to fill that emotion.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

So this is uh if you don't mind me going a little bit deeper. I think the most important thing you said in all of this is that he will tell you, no, mom, I'm actually starving. And at the moment's confusing, like, what do you do? You're not gonna let your kid starve, are you?

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Right. Yeah, you don't you definitely don't want to, but you know, at the same time, I always my big thing is we he loves like fruit. So I'm like, eat some watermelon then. You don't need to open the Pringles can. If you're starving, eat watermelon. It's full of water, it's gonna fill your belly up faster, it's better for you. Or eat an apple, make a smoothie, you know, like eat something that's like not a bag of chips.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

And how does that work typically?

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Does he he's actually he he's pretty good, especially if I recommend fruit. If I were to recommend like vegetables, he would be out immediately. But if I recommend fruit, you know, whether it's an apple, bananas, watermelon, whatever, yeah, he'll eat it. The only fruit he doesn't like is a honeydew. So we keep a lot of fruit in the house, um, just because he he takes it for his lunch too. So naturally we just have it for that. But on breaks, I stock up a lot on fruit because I do try to encourage him to instead of eating a can of Pringles, eat some fruit. And then if you're still hungry later, like maybe not eat Pringles, but maybe make like a half a turkey sandwich. Maybe that's actually what you need. Like if you're so starving, you know. So we try to we try to talk him through it. And there's of course there's those times like if I'm doing like gardening or something, he'll come moseying out with a can of Pringles, and I'm like, dude, what are you doing? What are you doing? Like, you just had breakfast an hour ago. Oh, I was hungry. Okay, well, you could have made a smoothie. Yeah, now and oh, I didn't think of that. We're still working on it.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

So, this is the part because I have the experience basically of what your son is going through. I have so much confidence when I tell you this. He is experiencing true hunger. Like he, in his experience, his brain is telling him he's hungry and he's gonna be frustrated at you when you tell him like he's not actually hungry. But the brain is extremely smart. The brain has figured out if you need either to cope with your emotions or you just need dopamine, which a lot of children, especially if they're you know on the ADHD spectrum at spectrum and have actually dopamine deficiencies, your brain's like, okay, I have this problem. How do I solve this? Emotions are complex. How do you solve anxiety as a kid? Well, what do you how do you know even what it is? How do you solve boredom? Like it's like it's often it takes effort to go and do something that isn't boring. Sometimes, even like going on a bike ride, it's like, okay, I have to go get the bike and I have to go like, you know, pump the tires and do all these things. The simplest solution for most of your problems are going to food.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Right? And as a kid, you know, my mom sounds very much like she at least was like, if you want to go have, you know, something, at least have some fruit. And so me, I would go and have 10 apples in a sitting. You know, or I could eat an entire watermelon. But the root of it was my brain, I wasn't actually hungry. I was still looking for for me, it was complex. Like I there was a lot of grief, there was a lot of early childhood trauma. There was also heavy ADHD growing up. Like no one knew it, but I had strong ADHD. But because I had good grades, it kind of went under the radar, which often does. But because of this, I was still stuck on this cycle and well into my adulthood. Like my brain had learned you have this problem, go to food. And so what I would what I would suggest to you and some parents listening is even redirecting to healthier sources of food can sometimes be tricky. It's better for sure. And sometimes you have to because you're busy and you know you have so many things on your plate. But what we want to help parents do is redirect to other healthy sources of stimulation. Very simply, you have to first take the free, easy sources of stimulation and make it a little bit harder to access. I'm not a fan of restriction. Like, I'm like, if you want to go have ice cream, make it a family activity. Go on a walk for 30 minutes, go get ice cream, and come back.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

There is some resistance, there's friction.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

And so if you're if your child is if your child's brain is doing a simple calculation of I need dopamine, how do I get it as quickly as possible? If they know they have to put some effort in, they're not gonna want to do it. And so now they have an option of okay, do I go play something? Do I go in the pool? Do I go, you know, do something creative? And it's typically five sources of healthy dopamine: playing something, exercising, physical touch. I don't know if your son likes hugs.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

He's not a big hugger.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Does he like socialization?

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Um, yeah, he likes to socialize, but it's actually exercising. It's funny you say that because he loves to ride his bike and we have a treadmill. Um, so he he actually he loves the treadmill.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

So Yeah, and and the more engaging the exercise is, the more it feels like play to him, the better it is, right? Often racket sports, because it's fast paced and you know it's quicker, goes really well, especially for kids. But it's really this there's healthy sources of dopamine, and there's unhealthy sources of dopamine. For children, thankfully, they don't have access to alcohol or drugs or things like that most of the time. So their options are food, technology, and annoying parents. Right?

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

So that's and I I you know I say that personally because one of my favorite things as a kid was going to my brother or my mom and just like begging for their attention, yelling them, punching them, like doing anything I can to get their attention.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

So that's that's unfortunately the case. And the brain is just trying to solve a problem. And, you know, you have to look deeper.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

And you you touched on this, but let's talk about ADHD dopamine and food, you know, because there is that connection between ADHD dopamine and eating habits. Could you explain the connection, maybe in a way that the layman like me, parent, would understand it.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

So very simply, ADHD is a condition where your brain has a deficit of dopamine. And if you don't, like if the person who's listening to this has never heard of dopamine before, it's a chemical in your brain that motivates you, that makes you feel rewarded. You eat chocolate, your brain releases dopamine, and then the next time you're thinking of chocolate, it also releases dopamine to go get more chocolate. In ADHD, you have a deficit of this for various reasons. And so your brain is constantly scanning the environment to fill up this gap internally. And so what do you go to? Some people, their genetic predisposition makes them foodies. They really love food, they get a lot of dopamine from food, and so they get addicted to food as their primary source. But you've seen, like parents always tell me, my child, I have two kids that have ADHD. One, I can't get them to eat, and the other one just swallows everything. They're a garbage disposal.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

What's causing that? That's exactly the case between my brother and I, both ADHD. Me, foodie, just like my mom. My brother, his drug of choice was video games. He was actually a professional video game. Like he used to make thousands of dollars as a 10-year-old playing video games and selling these items online, which is crazy to me. I was eating food and watching him play. That was my thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Bonding.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

Yeah. Exactly. But at the core of it, it's still this. We were both deeply craving dopamine, and we were getting it from our external environment. And so sometimes, you know, you go to your doctor and they're recommending to go on stimulant medication, which is exactly what this does. It's for it gives you dopamine in abundance so that your brain doesn't have this craving. But what I typically, what we help parents do is build a life around this. When you know that your child needs more dopamine than average, it just simply means they need a more exciting life. So myself, when I discovered this, I'm like, yeah, as an engineer, I'm not getting enough dopamine. It's boring. I don't like sitting in front of the computer and just like looking at code and doing that. I just I can't stand it. And so now, because I'm an entrepreneur, I'm constantly stimulated. Like this conversation that we're having back to back all day. I'm working on something, solving the problem, you know, doing something meaningful. And my brain has this need met. If I didn't have this, I'd be going to food. It's very simple.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Oh, that makes perfect sense. And so kids that are ADHD who are struggling with overeating, it could be something as simple as not necessarily telling them, oh, go eat watermelon or whatever. But like you said earlier, helping them to pick one of the healthy dopamine choices over the um unhealthy dopamine choices. And I think that's something that's really important is parents, myself included, um, with ADHD kids, understanding how their brains work is so important, but also understanding how to stimulate their brains because it's not something that's as simple as, you know, doing art with, you know, you. You may be like, you may love art and you may love to draw and paint and color. Doing art with my son, who cannot stand to draw and paint and color, he's gonna be like excited for five minutes and then he's over it. You know, he he'd rather be out and back practicing with a golf club, hitting a golf ball. Like he just it's one of those things is you really have to learn what works for your child. And it's earlier you said, you know, you have you can have two siblings that live in the same house, you know, but they find their dopamine sources from different things. And you know, I grew up in a household that me and I have two sisters, and I'm in the middle. And it it's very interesting because we all did things so differently, and our parents had to add address us differently and meet our needs a little bit differently. And when you have an ADHD child, that is so important. Even just when it comes to their learning. But it's I never put, I never even thought of dopamine in correspondence to their food choices. That's not something I ever thought about, like, oh, well, he is emotionally eating. Of course, you hear people say, Well, you're eating because you're bored. And that's just, I mean, I think I heard my parents say that when I was a kid during summer break or something. They're like, You're eating because you're bored. So yeah, I'm a mom. I just said it. But I didn't actually put thought process behind, like, oh no, like he's actually trying to fill an emotional void with food. Um, it was just a phrase that I threw out there. And I think that that's so important. And what are some ways that parents can support children with ADHD so food doesn't become their main source of dopamine or cupcart?

SPEAKER_01 19:44

So it's just like you said, the first thing is to understand what's going on. And to me, it was both surprising for myself because I built out this program before actually knowing the connection between ADHD and food myself. And I it just so happened that 80% of the kids in the program have ADHD. So I'm like, what's going on? Oh, okay. It's very simple. Your brain needs dopamine. Food is an extremely reliable source of dopamine. And if you're genetically, this is really something I want to re-emphasize. If you're generically predisposed to dopamine from food, you get trapped into this. It's not everyone that has this. Not everyone is a foodie. But it's a very simple test. If you go travel, are you thinking more about the restaurants and the food that you're gonna try or the sites or the things that you're gonna do as activities? If you're anything like me, it's like I just want to go eat. I want to try the new food, right? Your brain loves food, like you're excited by it. That's your primary source of motivation. So that's a good sign that you're getting a lot of dopamine from food. Right? So it's a very simple equation. Once you understand this, once you understand that your child and even yourself, you have a dopamine deficit, and your brain's only goal in life is to keep you satisfied and away from pain. It wants to solve this equation of how do I get the most amount of dopamine with the least amount of effort possible all the time. And so if you have easy access to food in your environment, even like something like this, this is a shock to a lot of parents, but nutritionists will tell you, you know, leave the fruit on the counter. Have some banana, have some apples. But if you have a child with ADHD, their brain is just constantly scanning the environment and they're gonna have like they're gonna go grab the fruit, even if they're not hungry. And bananas themselves, like they're very quick to absorb. So I could eat like five bananas in one shot, and like what happened? My mom's like, I just bought those, leave some for the others, but leaves you know what okay. This is embarrassing, but my mom used to do this. She used to have a drawer with a tag with my name and a drawer for my brother, and it's like you don't touch your brother's fruits. She goes away for a second, she comes back, everything's gone.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Yeah, no, I I get that, trust me.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Yeah, so it's it's really just this understanding this equation. How do you? make it harder for your child to go to food to dopamine from food? And how do you make it easier to get it from other sources?

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Wonderful. And you know, earlier you mentioned there's you can be like genetically predisposed to being a foodie. And a lot of parents, I feel like, are trying to avoid passing unhealthy food habits down generationally. And kind of just where could families start if they want to break that cycle when it comes to their kids.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

So I'm really glad you asked this because probably the biggest shock that parents get when they talk to us is, you know, the typical story is this concerned mom is coming to us. They want to have, they see the kid being bullied or they see their self-esteem being damaged. And they're like, I want to solve this. Can you talk to my kid? We tell them no. We actually only work with parents. We don't talk to your kids ever. And the reason is one, like we've been in your child shoes, everyone who works that step together has been overweight as a kid and we know what it's like to be focused on. And that sometimes makes you even feel even worse, especially as a girl, right? The self-esteem is so important to protect. But even guys like myself, I can tell you I hated going to my nutritionist appointments. Hated it. I still have like oh like the disgust of like going to that that the the this office that smells you know clinical and everything. So we work with parents to overcome first their own challenges. You can't expect your child to have overcome something as simple as food or their challenges with food if you haven't overcome it yourself. But sometimes it's a little bit deeper. Sometimes it's your relationship. Sometimes it's like we have to figure out why parents aren't on the same page and how this is hurting the kid and how the kid is going to food as their primary coping strategy. So the change starts with parents first and foremost.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

We don't even talk about the kid until we solve the parents' situation I love that and what are some small changes that families can make at home to help build a healthier relationship with food it all comes down to identity.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

What is your relationship like who do you see yourself in relationship to food? Is food something you use for celebration for joy for uh you know the the a little bit of feeling good at the end of the hard day or is food your primary source of fuel? You eat because you want to feel good you want to do have the energy to do the things that you love is it the most important thing. And then once you have established that like what is truly what do you want your relationship with food to be it's simple. You craft a life around it. What are the foods that you are okay with having in the house and what are the exceptions that you have outside the house and what's everyone's relationship like you can't have in you have like exactly with my situation my brother didn't have issues with food so my mom always kept treats in for him in the house like he actually had to be like convinced to eat sometimes because he didn't want to eat so my mom's like okay I'm going to have some of the Pringles for him. But in my case if there was anything like that in the house my brain's like I'm going to go swallow it. Right. So having everyone on the same page is the most important step.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

And how would you suggest that parents talk about food health and relationships with their children without creating that shame or body image struggles. Because it's like you said, you know, I know being a teenage girl that's something that can be very tricky because one, you're a teenager and or preteen and you're going through so much but boys it's it's also one of those things where their voices are cracking their skin is changing and you know it's it's a tra it's traumatic being a preteen and a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Right. We know the the ideal outcome is that you don't have to say much. If as parents you have a healthy home environment both physically and emotionally and you're modeling the right behavior what we see is that your child is just a duplicate of you. It's not always the case but most of the case the change that only we don't even need to say anything. Like the biggest mute like the most it really makes me like almost tear up when I when we have these success stories but parents tell us hey we saw our kid lose 20 pounds and they had no idea no idea that this was happening. They just suddenly like we have to get them swimsuits that are you know smaller sizes. And they're like what what happened? Oh maybe I just grew out of it. But now the parents have been working hard on changing themselves, changing the environment helping the kid redirect very subtly right whenever your son's coming for food it's like okay let's go play this instead and then see how you feel without ever making it about food because it never most of the time it never was about the food.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Yeah I love that in busy families you know we often rely on convenience items um or fast food. How can parents realistically build healthier habits when life is chaotic? I know for us when it's sports season and stuff like that, it is just between trying to get homework done get to games on time and then have dinner and get in bed at a reasonable time it seems like you know I'm not really a big fan of fast food in my house we have my guys are allowed to get like pizza or fast food one night a week um and then I cook all the rest of the meals breakfast lunch and dinner. But I know for example my sister she's a little different um she doesn't cook her meals and everything and she kind of relies on not necessarily fast food but fast items. So parents that are doing that or who are relying on these fast items what can they do to make those fast items healthier there's a lot of tips and tricks right but I typically it's not about that.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Typically it's you're always doing the equation in your mind what is more important to spend my time on right what is the highest priority should I spend the time meal prepping? Should I spend the time cooking or should I spend that time in another way? And you know as I grew up with a single mom who had two jobs while pursuing a PhD. So I know it's not like it's not as simple as yeah just make more time for it. No it's not always that it's really just like what is what are what cost are you paying for the convenience? And sometimes the cost is not worth it. Sometimes you're creating so many more problems down the line by choosing the easy option now. So it is worth it. It's it's the most important thing is to work with parents to reframe their beliefs about what convenience is and once you really see it it's hard to unsee right especially when you're faced with the pain of your child yeah and I think it's like to touch back on what you said earlier about when parents start changing their habits, it naturally the children just start changing their own habits.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Like for example like I told you earlier my son he hates vegetables and my husband is very averse to vegetables like can't stand them. And so like I have a thing where every meal you have some type of vegetable where it whether it's carrots green beans whatever it is. But we do a lot of like salads and stuff in the house and um I recently had some health issues going on and I've always struggled with my weight but I've been trying to lose um more weight uh and with my thyroid being out of whack and everything it's just been like a really big struggle but so I was like okay let me reevaluate what we're actually making in meal prepping and what the fat content and looking at the macros and the micros and I got into it a little more and my son was like why are we doing this? What are we what are we doing like the one day and I was like well you know okay he likes walking tacos which are like nachos and tacos instead of just using regular nachos I got like protein chips and I'm like you can use a back of those and be perfectly fine and it's added protein you know you don't need to use the 180 calorie fatty ones that aren't going to add anything to your body. This is just a healthier swap. And he was like why are we doing this? And I'm like I was like because mom has some stuff going on and mom needs to watch what she's eating and this makes it easier for mom if we're who prepares all the meals if everything in the house is just easier to grab and make what I'm gonna make and he was like oh okay that's that's the most beautiful case possible. He just wanted to know why he couldn't have his cheesy nachos and how to have protein ones. And I'm like you know it it's nothing to do with him you know and he he has been like he's about 25 pounds overweight and he's been wanting to lose and shed that weight. Now his doctor's not concerned about it but he is going through a body image thing so he is very concerned about it. So he's doing extra pushups extra setups what he's like running on the treadmill longer every day and I'm like but it's it goes deeper than that. You know instead of drinking Dr. Pepper maybe try zero sugar Dr. Pepper you know cut some sugar out or you know like let's look at what what you're taking in. That's what mom's doing mom's looking at what she's taking in and we're adjusting it. And I think that like you said earlier it's one of those I started making the changes so he then's now looking and is a little more cautious of oh my goodness like he wanted a a Twix bar the other day and he said mom look how much fat's in this and I was like oh wow like I never would have thought of it because I mean it's chocolate like I like chocolate you know and with my son exercise has never really been a punishment he likes to do it. That's how he gets his dopamine um same thing when I was younger I loved it but like my sister hated it so how can parents encourage their kids to be active and to get some exercise or maybe involved in sports without making it feel like a punishment if it feels like exercise to a kid it's the wrong frame right I remember when I was a kid my mom signed me up to Zumba classes at the YMCA.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Oh the torture being in a room with like a bunch of women who like it was so it was so awkward for me as a kid. And I hated it. And whenever she tried to push exercise on me I I revolted against it. What works instead is anything that feels like play. Like I love to write the bike. I love to like I wish my parents knew that I prefer more solo sports. Whenever she would put me on like soccer teams or anything like that, I hated it because for me didn't like socialization I'm more of an introvert. But racket sports biking jujitsu later I found in my life martial arts I love it. And so it's really this try to find what your child what feels like play to your kid. And if it gets them moving that's all you need. You don't need to make it about oh you have to get your 60 minutes of exercise so go on the treadmill. You know my mom bought me a treadmill for Christmas one time.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Oh did she really she did oh you you can guess how many times I've used it hey if if it's anything of how many times I've actually used mine not many.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Right it's just it's a dust it's a perfect dust collection machine.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

You know it's yeah my husband always says that we really bought it for my son because I I wanted it I thought I wanted it and then I was like I really hate this I prefer to walk outside in the neighborhood I don't want to walk on this thing. But my son loves it.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

So whatever it's that's right. I mean I later on actually I started playing video games while being on the treadmill. So I I forced myself to have some fun while doing it right I just had my controller and I was on the treadmill. But it's the same for adults like exercise should be it should feel good. You shouldn't feel like you're forcing yourself there is some push but please find something that you enjoy so that you can maintain it for life because that's what matters. If a walk is the thing that you enjoy the most beautiful just walking is more than enough for a lot of families that we help just getting the entire family to go on a walk after dinner amazing both for their mental health and they get to talk to each other but also gets them some exercise. I had one question for you.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Yeah you said your husband doesn't like vegetables how did you how how do you how do you deal with like convincing him so that he motivates your son so we have um you know we've talked about it but um I add things like to their morning smoothies like I'll add like kale and celery and stuff like that. So they don't really taste it on on that vegetable but like lunch and stuff like that, I try to keep it simple where it's like okay look we'll have a salad maybe with some shredded carrots some radishes or like some chopped up cabbage to go in there. And um he's not a fan, but he eats it because he knows he's setting the example um so that's you know he is the male role model and he understands that the greatest influence on a teenage boy or a boy period is the male role model in their life. So if he's giving me flack for putting green beans on his dinner plate, then my son's gonna give me flack. So and I'm like corn is not the only vegetable you guys can because they would eat corn all day long but I'm like no you need greens you need leafy greens you need regular greens like so and I'm very iron deficient. So I especially need a lot of greens and I'm like you guys can have a handful that's all your plate's supposed to be majority green you guys can at least deal with a handful and so it was a conversation that I had with my husband and he will if it's something he absolutely hates like say carrots because he hates roasted carrots he will eat them all at first and he will not let our son see his face while he's eating dinner. He like we'll do this but he will eat every single carrot on his plate before he touches everything else and then he'll start everything else and you know start talking about you know his day and everything. But I've noticed my son now when we have carrots at dinner he eats all his carrots first on his plate.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

And so it's one of those things where he's literally just setting the example and he hates it. He does not like one bit. But and I see I love fruits and vegetables. So to me it doesn't bother me. I have a problem with protein I don't like many proteins um but I still eat a little bit of like chicken or something like that because again I'm setting that example you know so it's it's one of those I think it's important to not have the conversation with the child but we had it away from him and I'm like hey you can't give me flack for this so at least I'm so happy to hear that he at least agrees that he is the one setting the example.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Yeah because I mean again back to my own personal story my mom tried so much but my dad was never on board. He had his own issues with not food but different addictions and and so you're right as a boy all you're looking for even to this day if I'm honest you're looking for a masculine figure as a role model to lead you to show you how to live a good life to show you the morals to show you how to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family right and if if a child doesn't have this it's really devastating both for girls and boys right the father figure we strongly believe is so crucial not just for the weight that's just one thing but for everything to setting up them up for a good life. So that's sometimes you know moms come to us with this problem and what we do is actually get them on the same page as to this. It's like yeah parents are the role models do everything as best as you can first yourself before expecting anything from your kid. And then just watch it's magical your child will just like you say they're gonna eat the carrots first just because you do.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

And that's all yeah or they're just gonna be like why are my eating protein chips now?

SPEAKER_01 39:14

Yeah and it's it's not it's good because it's not gonna be about them. It's like mom is doing this and you just do it too. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Yeah and and you know my experience they're fine with it. So and if they weren't or something like that, see I I feel I always encourage an open dialogue and communication in the house. So if there's something they absolutely don't like so for example my son and my husband like I said they hate Brussels sprouts. I've not found a way to cook them that they actually enjoy them but they'll eat asparagus and artichoke. So I said okay we won't do Brussels sprouts pretty much any meal that you would have Brussels sprouts with you can have asparagus or artichokes. So we'll do those you know like we can have a communication let's have a nice dialogue and we'll find a substitute but this is still what's gonna happen because mom needs this to happen you know and when you make it about yourself especially when they're looking to their parents to be an example they're helping you it's like I'm doing something for my mom or my dad you know like they're they're like in your corner. So I think that's so wonderful. And what's something about children's health and food that you think every parent should understand but really get rarely gets taught so this is something it's not just parents I think most health professionals focused on weight they don't go deep enough they don't look at the root causes of the behavior it's so simple.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

You see someone who's overweight you're like yeah they just they eat too much they don't exercise enough but why what's going on you're not like if you look at animals in the wild they don't have excess weight right what is going on in our society in our cells in our mental health in our you know in our environment that's causing the excess weight we have to get curious as to the root causes and it's often this that we work with parents with what is behind the excess weight look a little bit deeper. Is it emotions? Is it stimulation? Any of the things we talked about today is it something that you're doing you know we often have parents who are like yeah I'm my child um actually this is wonderful the I had one mom who said um as soon as they took out the snacks from the pantry the ones that they shouldn't have you know they agreed not to have their daughter asked are we gonna get rid of your alcohol too because in their mind this is like they this is their treat and the alcohol's your treat so or the answer when you're good when you're called call called out on the spot like that but your own child what do you do? Right? And it's not guilt that I want to to for parents to feel it's just whatever you're doing and however you're dealing with your emotions your child is learning to do it themselves.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Absolutely and what gives you hope about the next generation when it comes to health habits and raising healthier kids well gives me hope it's been wonderful to see how many people resonate with the mission behind Step Together I put up I was doing this myself for a long time then I put up job postings for other coaches to bring on and there's so many people who are like I didn't even think this was possible.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

I can make my entire life about helping kids not over not not go through the same pain I did, whether it's the excess weight or any other like problem it's wonderful. Like I see so much potential and I see myself as just being the bottleneck and the conductor of just trying to match people so that they can help the younger version of themselves this is what gives me hope.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

That is amazing.

SPEAKER_01 43:09

And where can listeners learn more about your work and the resources available through Step Together so if you're if you're connected with anything here and you have this some of the challenges we talked about the best places to go is our website steptogether.us and I invite you to go read the profile of everyone working at the company. You're gonna be like yeah actually my child is exactly going through the same thing that you're describing here and you get a chance to have us help you not go through the same pain that we did. So that's where I would go.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Wonderful well thank you so much for joining us today. It's been a pleasure thank you so much well that's it for today you beautiful caffeinated disasters if any of this resonated with you hit that follow button Button. And if you would, please leave us a review. It really helps other tired moms and dads find the show. And if you want to become a supporter of the show, or just keep us caffeinated so we can keep bringing the chaos every Tuesday, head over to our Buzzprout page at mom's brain is a coffee stain.buzzprout.com. Even a couple bucks means the world and helps us keep the coffee and the show flowing. Now you can become a subscriber of the show and get access to new episodes two days early. And don't forget, check us out on social media. You can find us everywhere at Mom's Brain is a Coffee Stain. Also, slide into our DMs or email us your best no guilt hacks, cringiest mom moments, or episode requests at mom's brain is a coffee stain at Outlook.com. Head on over and check out Cami's biography on their website at steptogether.us or just learn more information about the Step Together program. We will put the links in the show notes as always. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go play with my pups. Love y'all. Mean it, go sip one for us, and we'll see you next Tuesday.