SPEAKER_04 0:12

Welcome to Mom's Brain is a Coffee Stain, the only podcast clinically proven to raise your blood pressure and your dopamine. I'm Kayla, Millennial Mom, current chaos coordinator of two spoiled giants who think budget is a TikTok sound. In this episode, Crystal and I had the opportunity to talk with David Yip, founder of The Angelic Godmother, former missionary, and father of three. Well, let's jump on in show, David. Thank you so much for joining us. And for our listeners, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Hey, Kayla, Crystal, it's a pleasure to be here with you. Thank you for the invitation. I uh yeah, I love just spending time with good people and talking about the things that matter to us most. So I'm uh I'm excited to be here. Uh as far as introduction, you know, it's funny. I I have a startup, a tech startup, which is a parenting and relationship platform called Godmother. But when when I went to my first event, I remember the marketing team saying, Hey, David, we got to make your business cards. And I'm like, Yeah, that's fine, you know, hand out business cards, whatever. They're like, Well, what do you want the title to be? I'm like, I wanted to say David Yep, just a dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

And they're like, No, you can't put that on a business card. And I'm like, why not? And they're like, because we got to put founder and CEO and all of that jazz.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

So uh I am just a dad, just a dad, just a husband, just uh just a fellow traveler. You know, I um a serial entrepreneur. I do run several businesses. Um, I've got a background in in ministry. Um, I've done a lot of coaching over my life. I published a book. Uh so I've I'm sort of a jack of all trades, uh David of all trades, master of none. Um but at the end of the day, in the context of this conversation, I'm just a dad.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Awesome. Love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

It's always a hard question, you know? How do you introduce yourself? I don't know. How do you what's your what's your go-to when they say, hey, Kayla, introduce yourself. What's what's what's what do you gravitate to?

SPEAKER_04 2:20

I'm like, hi, I'm a mom.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

See?

SPEAKER_04 2:22

I'm raising giant teenagers who don't know what the word budget is. Right. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

You know, it's yeah, it's funny how we identify ourselves by whatever we are in the moment, right? It's you know, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

Yeah. So what happened in your own parenting journey that made you realize, hey, we need to understand our kids differently.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yes, I I haven't gotten to the point where they don't know what a budget is, but I'm sure I will dip there too.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Although a fun fact, I do try, there's uh uh an app called Greenlight, which I actually have become quite a fan of, which teaches kids budgeting and kind of how to spend. So if you haven't uh if you haven't looked that one up, it's a it's a fun one. Um, you know what what happened to me, I think, was this shift from realizing what I don't have figured out. I'm sorry, shift from realizing what I do have figured out to what I don't have figured out. Um I I was on a trajectory of becoming a priest for a long time, actually. And um I was raised Catholic, so Catholics don't get married. They, you know, they don't have no sex, no marriage, no kids. Um so that wasn't really in the cards for me having kids. But when I decided I wasn't going to become a priest and you know realized that I would someday be a dad, God willing, I I thought I was gonna be an awesome dad. You know, I was like, man, I I I love getting down and dirty with kids. Uh I think you know, kids are amazing. Actually, most of the time I'd rather spend time with kids than with adults because I think kids are are simple and they're fun. And, you know, I love getting down to a child's level and seeing the world through their eyes. So I was all excited, I think, going into fatherhood. And then with time, I I came to this moment when I realized that it wasn't enough to just love my kids. Or or maybe maybe said better, maybe said better because I guess loving them is enough that loving them without understanding them was always going to fall short. And I'm blessed to be you know fairly empathetic. I have a you know fairly high emotional intelligence, and so I I do tend to observe people and try to feel what their energies, but even in spite of all of that, I realized that there was so much about my kids that I just didn't understand. And I think that was sort of the paradigm shift for me was realizing that if I wanted to be the best that I could, I had to give some serious effort and time into just understanding my kids and kind of how they how they're wired and what their needs are, what their pains are, what their sort of soul desires are. So, yes, uh not at the budgeting um stage yet, but yet but yes, understanding that of my three kids, they're each different universes and different worlds, and there's sort of a whole maze to be understood there and explored.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

I love that. I love that. Um, and like if you don't mind, um can we let the listeners know, like, how old are your kiddos?

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yes, sorry. I should, I should have uh that that would have been it, that would have been a good answer to your introduction question, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:32

No problem.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

I I have a 10-year-old uh who's going on 23. I have uh I have an eight-year-old who's going on 15, and I got a five-year-old. Um, so it's a girl, girl, boy. I've got a five-year-old, and I hope he's gonna stay five forever because he's my little buddy.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

Um, it's awesome. Yeah, he's at the stage where dad's a superhero, so that's like perfect. That's awesome. How long do I got? How long before that is the most beautiful princess and dad's the superhero? Yeah, I get that stage. I love it. Yeah, you do. It's funny that.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Oh, I'm so sorry. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

No, no, go ahead. Hold on to it as long as it as long as it lasts, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Well, as long as you um can, but I'll tell you that about the time he starts to discover girls is when things kind of start to shift in that department. So just something to look forward to, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

You know, I was I was uh scrolling on Instagram the other day and I saw a post, and the post went something along the lines of as your kids you know enter into their teenage years, it's important that dad becomes sort of the um sort of the the the solid, the strong voice uh in in like in a discipline, in you know, sort of the discipline, the one that holds the boundaries, you know, because it's good for the kids to it's good for the kids to have develop a friendship with their mother. And so, you know, dad can kind of be the bad cop, mom can kind of be the good cop. Without overanalyzing what that that guy said, dude, what the what the point of the post was, it it brought up two things for me. Number one is that is one of the reasons why I found it I built Godmother, because I don't know about you ladies, but when you scroll, it's it can be incredibly enlightening and incredibly infuriating at the same time because you see so many opinions out there about the right way to do things. You know, I I I joke I joke with people about like the world of fitness, and it's like you'll read, you'll you'll you'll scroll and you'll get to one video, and it'll be like, man over 40 need to absolutely do this, this, and this uh exercise. And that's how you blow up your chest and you've gotta, you know, eat tons of carps and tons of protein. And then you scroll, and literally the next video will be if you're over 40 and you're a man, don't do these exercises because they won't do anything for you. What you need to prioritize is creatine and and like you're just you're like, what the heck? Like, what do I actually believe, right? And and how do I how do I implement that? And I think that's one of the struggles in the world of parenting is that there is a plethora of information out there about, you know, how to do such and such with your kids. And if you've got a boy that's this age, try this, and you've got a girl that's that age, try this. And I felt like so much of the advice wasn't tailored specifically to who my child is. And that's the problem with the world of fitness, is like you have to find the fitness advice that works for you with your age and your body type, right? And and luckily, like you can find it, right? But if you don't, then you end up taking all this generic advice and feeling really frustrated as a parent because you're trying to figure out how do I parent my children. And so the idea behind Godmother is that we wanted to create these very personalized uh assessments that would then give real-time advice into who your child is. And, you know, say to your point, like I mean, I am trying to treasure this moment with my son. And I'm also terrified of you know, the future when I need to be, you know, bad cop because according to some experts, that's what I need to develop into, and uh and we'll see when the time comes if that's the right way to go. But uh, yeah, I I I appreciate that vote of confidence in you know trying to be the superhero now.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Um but fully aware that it's gonna shift, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

I don't know how how to you've you've got older kids, so did you, you know, that crystal, that shift when they went to uh being interested in girls and you saw kind of that whole shift. How did you adapt to that piece?

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Um honestly, I think I lucked out pretty well to be quite honest. Um both of my boys idolize their father a lot, um, but their dad is also like one of those really respectable people, you know, he's very hands-on, he works hard, he um is God-fearing. So I think for both of my boys, they still idolize their dad a lot. And um they'll even talk to you, they're very open about saying, hey, like I want to be like dad. Like, I I want to have this like dad. I want dad. Like, and they're also very realistic. Communication is huge in our house. So we talk a lot about even mom and dads make mistakes, right? And we've kind of always tried to do that, so they know like we're all human beings, and sometimes dad might make a mistake, sometimes mom does, sometimes they do. Um, but at the end of the day, I think they're really good at looking at the whole picture, and they still idolize their dad a lot. So when I said like, you know, about the time they discover girls, it's like it's jokingly um to a point, right? Because it'll become a thing, right, when they get to that part of life where um how you say like romantically, you know, and I'm saying they start to view people, but it doesn't subtract. I think a lot of parents sometimes think that that subtracts from their relationship with their child, but it don't. It really adds to it, right? It adds something extra that they're gonna come to you and they're gonna talk to you about and then hey, how are you how'd you handle this? Or hey, you know, he your little boy might say, Dad, hey, I like this girl. You know, how do I know if she likes me? Or, you know, things of that nature. So he's just gonna, it's gonna add to his view of you more than anything. And that kind of leads into something that you talk about that I'm kind of obsessed with, and um, is seeing the child beneath the behavior. You know, a lot of times as parents, we kind of get caught up in the moment in life in reality, and and we're like, hey, why would you do that? You know, like you know better than to do that, but we don't really take the time to understand the child beneath the behavior and what drives it. So can you explain to the listeners what does that mean? Um, especially when we're dealing with teenagers or preteens like you are, and whose behavior is frustrating us in the moment? Is it their behavior frustrating us? Or is it kind of like subconsciously our own behavior that is frustrating us?

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Yeah, that's such a that's such a powerful question. Um and I I have to comment quickly on something you said, sorry, and I will answer your question, but you you talked about you know the ability to recognize that we're not perfect. And that's probably, in my opinion, one of the one of the single most important things that I want to teach my kids is that I'm not perfect and that I make mistakes and and how to deal with their own mistakes. Because one of the things that I think messes up so many parent or adult-child relationships is adults pontificating and acting as if they always have the answers. Um, I did a lot of youth work way before I ever became a dad. Uh, I worked with boys ages 10 to 17 and in kind of youth programs and youth development. And what I observed is that kids have this incredible antenna for authenticity. They they they know when someone is full of shit, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Sorry, I don't know. Uh I didn't ask the parameters to you. Okay. They know when an adult's full of shit. That's all right. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

They they know when we're full of shit. You know, they may not always be able to voice it because at the end of the day, they're not in the position of authority, you know, whether it's in a classroom, whether it's in uh a sports team, whether it's dealing with a youth minister, whether it's dealing with a parent. We have the upper hand, we've got the authority. And so when we tell them to do something, they can tell instantaneously whether that is coming from a good place or whether that's coming from a place of fear, insecurity, chaos, uh, you know, and so the ability to tell them, hey, listen, I don't have all the answers either. I make mistakes, but I'm trying my best. Now that that feeds, I think, into your question because I want to give parents so much grace and so much understanding because we often don't see the behavior, we we don't see the child behind the behavior because we're trying to react in the moment. If I'm a dad, and and you know, moms might laugh at this because I know moms tend to go to the grocery stores with the kid, but I go to the grocery store with my kids too. If I'm a dad in the grocery store with my three kids and my kid has a meltdown in aisle seven, damn straight in that moment, I'm not trying to figure out the child behind the behavior. I'm trying to get the groceries done. I probably have 17 more errands. I know that if, you know, little Johnny throws a tantrum, it's gonna affect the others. And so I snap and I try to get Johnny in line just to avoid chaos. And I think it's important that we also give ourselves grace as parents and realize that yes, in that moment, I wasn't seeing the child behind the behavior. I'm just reacting. The problem is, is if we don't go beyond that for the future, is if we always kind of revert to dealing with the behavior in the moment and never understanding the child. And I think this happens to us parents way more than we want to admit. And it's a result of surviving. It's a result of, you know, having jobs and being parents and trying to do homework and trying to do cooking, and you know, then you got the laundry that piles up. Like it's tough, you know, it's at the end of the day, like we are extremely reactive, but that reactive nature really limits understanding who the child is and then being to being able to deal with our child, not deal with, being able to relate and connect with our child in those difficult moments. So, to answer your question, I do believe that the real power is in taking the time to understand your child when you're not in the heat of the moment. You know, when you have to be you have to be conscious about that. You have to set aside the sun the time to really understand who your child is so that when you come to those moments, you already know what is actually causing little Johnny to have a meltdown. Um, funny, kind of funny story. I guess I'm not a typical man. Well, you can ask my wife, she might disagree, but I I've never been like a I've never been a guy that gets hangry. I don't get particularly, you know, unbearable. I'm always unbearable. I don't get more unbearable when I'm hungry. Um, but I learned with a five-year-old that he gets extremely cranky just when he's hungry. And it it's it's funny for me to watch that. Now, it may sound obvious to you because if you've got, you know, if you've been married or you've had you know husbands in the past or whatever, maybe you've seen that, you know, the guy's gets cranky just because he's hungry. I never experienced that. And so there was a while where my son would just become a hornery. And I'm like, bro, like you're supposed to be on my side. Like, we're supposed to be the easy ones to deal with. Like, you know, what is going on with you? And then I finally realized like he just actually gets hungry, and then when he gets hungry, he just gets cranky. Now that's a really stupid example, or a really silly example, maybe, but that's the type of thing that helps you really understand the child behind the behavior. It's so easy for us. You're you're, you know, four o'clock in the afternoon, and you know, you're you're you're playing, and all of a sudden he starts getting mad and you know, uh uh upset and frustrated. And our reactive nature is like, get in line, bro. Like, I need you to work with me. But when you can see the child behind the behavior, remember, oh, he's just he's just getting hungry. And that applies to every component of our child's behaviors, understanding, you know, what is the need, what is the pain that's kind of driving them to act in the way that they're acting.

SPEAKER_04 17:55

I love that. So Ethan, my 15-year-old, he's been learning how to drive uh for the last four months. And he's really struggling to go past these, he's comfortable on like four or five streets, but he won't go across any main intersections. He doesn't want to do four-way stops, he doesn't want to learn a parallel park. And I'm like, dude, you have to learn these things before April, like when you take your driver's test. And yes, he has driver's head that he'll go through and like after Christmas and everything. But the point is, is like, this is why we go and practice driving, you know? And so for the almost all summer, he would just freak out. Anytime I said, let's go down that street. It was just one street over. I was like, let's go down that street. And he would freak out and freak out. So Saturday, he wanted to go to the library because our new library just opened. And I was like, oh, perfect, cool. I want to go too. So I was like, make sure you grab your wallet because you're gonna need it to get a new library card. And he was like, Why? I'm a minor. And I'm like, Yeah, but you got an ID now. So, and you're gonna need your military card. So you're you're gonna need that. And he's like, but I'm a minor. And I'm like, Yeah, you're still gonna need it though. He didn't need it, I just needed him to bring it with him. Um, so when we got there, you know, he had a blast looking at the new library. They even have like Pokemon tournaments and stuff there at the library for these kids now. Yeah, all kinds of things. So we go to leave, and there's a dog park across the street. And I said, Well, you can go ahead and drive us home. He said, I'm not driving. I said, Well, I know you're you're scared, you know, I know it's difficult, and I know like it's just a confidence thing, but you're not gonna be able to do it if you don't ever try. And he's like, I'm gonna kill us, and blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna wreck the car. I said, Well, that's why I pay for insurance.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 19:55

And you're not gonna go fast enough to kill us. I guarantee it.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

And he's like, I'm not doing it. I said, Okay, you don't have to do it. I'm gonna sit here and watch the dogs play at the dog park. He's like, Why? And I'm like, Well, because I don't want to drive home. So I guess I'm gonna sit here and watch the dogs play at the dog park for a while and read my book. I'm gonna sit in the car. The windows are rolled up. We live in southern Alabama. The heat index was like, it was 108 degrees that day. Yeah. I'm like, that's not gonna last. Like five minutes later, he comes over, walks over to the dog park, and he goes, fine. I'll drive home. But you have to pull out of this parking space. And I said, that's fine, because it was surrounded by cars, you know. So he did so good driving home. I was like, hey, why don't you go ahead and take a shot and parking in the driveway? You know, and he's like, Oh no, I'm not gonna do it. So he he drove past our house. So I said, just loop around, you know, take the loop and come back. And I'm telling you, you didn't think you could drive us home and you did. I'm telling you, you can park in the driveway. This kid parked better than I do in my own driveway. And then he was like, take a picture of it and send it to dad. Take a picture of it and send it to dad. I was like, I will, buddy. Like, but that's what you know. It took me a minute to realize like, he's not necessarily saying, I don't want to drive. He is terrified of getting into an accident or he's scared of getting hurt. So he wants to stick to the roads he learned that are slow, not busy, because he knows like these are safer roads. And I'm like, we have to step outside of that. So I had to think about like, what's a good way to get him to step outside?

SPEAKER_02 21:55

What's a good way to get him into it?

SPEAKER_04 21:57

And I needed it to be his idea. So okay. Okay, you you don't want to sit here while I sit at the dog park and read. Cool. You can go ahead and drive us home. You have two options. You make the choice. And he he ended up making the choice. Um he could have sat there with me and read his book, but he said no.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

He wasn't gonna he wasn't gonna put up with that heated next. You had you had the weather on your side.

SPEAKER_04 22:23

It's like I did not bring water.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

But that's such a beautiful example, yeah, because those fears are so real.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

They are, and it's not always fears. It's like you said, sometimes kids are just like they're hungry or they're tired. Like I know Ethan after Friday when he gets home from school, it is his brain is ready to shut off. He is tired. It is 4:30. Do not talk to him. He needs a solid hour, he needs a snack, and he needs just to listen to music because the week has been long and he's over. And I get that, you know. But at first, I'd be like, oh buddy, don't forget you gotta do your chores and this and this, and right like a hawk. And I'm like, are you trying to get knocked out? Like, I will fight a child. You are six foot tall, bro. Like, we will go wrong. Like, but it it's like you said, you have to look past the behavior to find the understanding.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

And that illustrates it so well, Kayla, that that like life is such a personal journey, you know, which isn't meant to sound just as a beautiful phrase. It's just a reality that like each of us experiences life in such a different way that trying to help our kids navigate it in the way that is the best for them, it's a challenge, you know. And I always go back to the fact that like society, society is built around kind of the majorities. Um, chronotypes. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the concept of chronotypes. Chronotypes is kind of like our internal clocks, right? Like our circadian rhythm. And there's a whole book about it, which I find fascinating. But the basic concept is that there are actually four different main chronotypes, and I forget the names they give them. I think it's the bear, the wolf, the owl, and something else. Someone else can go look it up and and and uh and quote it. But the basic concept is that our bodies, our circadian rhythms are different. There are four different types. And this may sound obvious to all of us because we know people who are night owls, we know people who are early birds, we know people who are meant to wake up with the sunrise and go to bed with the sunset. Beautiful, right? In reality, society has been built around those ones that wake up at sunrise and go to bed at sunset. So for those who are night owls, and it's a beautiful example of kind of the the challenges that we face trying to fit into the one mold fits all. Those who are night owls, they don't get to go to night school. They have to wake up still at 7 a.m. and go to school in the morning and go from school from 8 to 3. And so that it's contrary to kind of how their bodies are wired. Now, I'm not advocating for necessarily upending the system and doing it different. I'm simply making the point that each of us is different and we need different things in order to be successful and to thrive as human beings. And so, what you do with your son is try to realize what is the fear that's holding him back, and how do I proactively help him overcome that fear? And you gave such a beautiful example. Hey, look, I'm just gonna sit here. Like, I'm not forcing you to do it, but I'm also not gonna let you force me to do what I don't want to do. I don't want to drive, so I'm just gonna sit here.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

And then he comes to it on his own, right?

SPEAKER_04 25:42

Yeah, and it's like it's so weird for me because his sister, she's 19, her first day of college was yesterday. Oh anyway, she when she was learning how to drive, she'd be like, Can we go driving? Can we go driving? Can we go driving? Like she was ready to hit the expressway. She was, I mean, she was all for it. And so it's so funny because I grew up with two sisters and we're all very close in age. And my mom always used to say, You guys are raised in the same household, but you're not the same.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 26:12

You know, so it's you have to understand your children are different human beings, like you're saying. Like we're not all the same. So that leads us to kind of our next question. As parents, we say, Of course I know my child, but there's a difference in knowing your our kids and understanding our kids. And how does like Godmother and what you do help with that?

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Yeah, I I appreciate that. Listen, I will challenge anybody, and I don't want to argue with people, but I do want to invite them to openness because I think you're right. I think a lot of us will say, I know my kids. And I invite people all the time. Uh first of all, I use the funny example. I'm like, have you ever been married? I've been married for 11 years, and I know my wife, but I am constantly surprised by my wife, and vice versa. Because number one, people change. Number two, to truly understand someone is it's a work of a lifetime. You we people have an internal world that we don't understand, that we can't ever fully grasp because it's the way that they experience every day. So I I love that you said that because I always call people out or at least challenge them, just to a tiny bit of openness and say, yes, you understand your child, but maybe, just maybe, you can understand them a little bit better. So, what Godmother did, since understanding someone is the work of a lifetime, we were trying to facilitate and speed up that process a little bit and say, okay, what if we could give you a blueprint for who your child is? And for all of those who say they already understand their kids, totally fine, read the blueprint, do the test for your child, and just see is there anything in there that surprises you where you're like, oh, I actually might not have understood that, or I'm I I might have known this about them, but didn't realize that this, this, and this would be the ramification. So we created this proprietary assessment that helps parents to really get a global understanding of their children. I think that number one, if you have multiple kids, I think a lot of us experience this, where there's one child that we understand better than the other. Super common. You know, one has more of our temperament, one has the temperament of the other parent, right? Secondarily, I think that it's one thing to understand our child, it's another thing to understand how our child intersects with us. And that that is a big thing, is like different personalities clash and and jive in different ways. And then also there's the there's the issue of the other parent. And so when we built, when we built Godmother, it the first job, the first goal was to give parents this understanding of who their children is and this proprietary assessment that kind of helps them really understand. But then secondly, it was to show them how each child meshes or clashes with each parent. And that's a big thing for anybody who co-parents or who is married and you know has a has a spouse in the situation. The way you interact with your kids can be very, very different from how your spouse interacts with them. And so starting to understand that, I think, and giving a little bit of space to openness to say, yes, you know your child, but maybe there's pieces that you don't truly understand, or there's ramifications of that that you don't see, when you have that openness, then you can start to see how all of those relationships start to interplay and come together. So that's what we try to do is create this way to make it easier. Um I was blessed, you know, to have a lot of experience in uh the world of health and wellness. And like I said, I've worked with different people, whether it's physical trainers or, you know, I've been able to do different tests to understand kind of how my body works. I was never as enlightened as when I was able to do a full panel of blood testing and understand things about myself that I I had never seen. And now, if you would have asked me, hey David, do you know your body, I would have said, of course. You know, I've looked at myself in the mirror for every day for the past, you know, 40 plus years. Like, I know, right? I know I know how far I can run without uh aches and pains. I know that every morning I'm gonna wake up and feel like I'm 90 years old. Like, I know my body. But when I was able to do this full panel of blood testing, all of a sudden you see the inner workings and you understand like the the the hormonal balances or imbalances and and like the efficiencies and and you know, blood cell counts and all of this stuff and gut health. And it gave you this true understanding of who David really was. That's what we've tried to do at Godmother is give almost that that um comprehensive overview to parents of who their children is to better understand them in order to better see them.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

And I love that because if you can have a better understanding of who your child is, and it's like how you said how they intersect and react with their parents and interact, that also means you can help them navigate and interact with the world. And they will be more comfortable bringing real-world things to you. It's like Crystal said about communication with her with her boys. With ours, communication is the exact same thing. But it's like when when my she's technically my stepdaughter, but I just call her my daughter. When she started dating her boyfriend, she's been dating her same same boyfriend for like four years now. So she was like 15, and she's like, Don't tell dad, don't tell dad. And I'm like, Well, what is dating? And she loves to ice skate, so she we ice skating classes, which by the way, ice skates are not cheap, anyway. Um neither is getting them sharpened.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

No, adds up quick.

SPEAKER_04 32:03

Yeah, they would go ice skating together, and then um we're Catholic, but he is Baptist, and he would be like, Hey, do you want to go to church with me and my family? And she was like, Yeah, like I want to go to church with that, and it was like things like that. I was like, honey, I don't think your dad's gonna care. Like, that's that's like holding hands in middle school type dating. But as they got older, you know, I'm like, okay, you hey, time to tell your dad. You tell him or I tell him. Like, what are we doing here? But here we are, you know, he's been in the military now for two years. He was deployed to Korea, he just came back. Well, she's just started college, like, but it's they put God at the center of the relationship for a young couple, and they have that open communication because it was like she was she was very concerned about starting college, and she's like, everybody's telling me I don't need a boyfriend when I start college. And I'm like, why do you listen to everybody? Is everybody you?

unknown 33:05

Is everybody you?

SPEAKER_04 33:06

Yeah, are you happy? Like is he happy? Like, are do you did you talk to him? Like, this is not a conversation me and you should have. You know, and it's like but it it's important because I know the way I know what she was thinking. She didn't really want to break up with her boyfriend, but she needed that reassurance from a parent to say, what do you why are you listening to other people? Are you gonna go jump off the bridge if everybody else does? No, you know, and and she couldn't go to her dad with it because of the boy stuff.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Yeah, yeah, of course. She knew she knew she had to come to you.

SPEAKER_04 33:46

Yeah, and and so I love that because if you have that relationship and you have that understanding, you are able to, when they encounter things in the world, help them navigate that. And I do think that's very important.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Yes, it's just wanted to circle. I'm so sorry. No, no, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Go for it.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Um, I just kind of wanted to circle back to um some of our listeners. Family dynamics can be so many different things, right? So uh when the boys were young, I was a stay-at-home mom, and my husband worked very hard, you know, to support his family. So, of course, I spent most of the time with the kids, right? Because he was out of the home and he was working. So I think that gave me an opportunity to um we'll say quote unquote understand them better than maybe what he did because I spent more time with them. Um, but then too, as they grow, right? And like mine are now older, you know, teenagers, 19 and 16, but they have changed, right, throughout their years of growing, and whether it be from their environment or people around them, and not for the bad, for the good, right? But they change. So I kind of just wanted to step back on that and kind of get your opinion on that. Like, you know, for our situation, it was dad that was out of the home and was working, so he didn't have as much of an understanding. Um, do you think that like how do you how do I put this? Do you think that for someone that maybe don't have the better understanding of the two parents, how is it that they can get that understanding so that they're they're understanding their child better and then in turn having better communication with them?

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Yeah, that's such a powerful question, Crystal. Um, and I think that, you know, whether it's circumstantial because one parent stayed home or because one parent is more emotionally intelligent than others, you know, it's it's not uncommon that that men are slightly less intuitive than women, and so they don't pick up on things as much, or they just have less time with the kids. Um but it also goes reverse. Sometimes it's the mom the mom who's more type A and you know doesn't kind of take the time to listen. Uh so I think that can be really challenging when one has more of an understanding than others. I think it has to start from openness, it has to start from the desire, you know, to truly understand. And I think the task of the parent who may understand the kids better is to help the other parent realize that they don't necessarily understand everything, not in a negative or accusatory way, but more in an invitational kind of way. Um, one of the things that, you know, we talk about even with Godmother is that listen, if you're a busy dad and you're working long hours and you've only got 15 minutes to spend with your child, wouldn't you want to spend those 15 minutes in the best way that you could? You know, dads and moms as well. Like we had this guilt complex so often of like, I'm not doing enough for my kids and I'm working hard and like I'm not there enough for them. And so you want to, you want to spend time, but you want to spend time in the right way. And so when you've got that, let's call it an imbalance, not necessarily in a bad way, just in a realistic way, that one parent has an understanding than the better understanding than the other. I think the the gift that the one who has the understanding, the the gift that they can give is an insight into that and say, hey, you know, here is a tool. And it's it is one of the reasons, again, why we built Gala Mother, because if you don't have the time, one of the use case scenarios actually that that um a lot of people are using our platform for is schools. Uh so we have more and more schools that are signing up, and they're having the teachers actually uh give the app to all of the families in their classroom. Think about the challenge of a teacher. Day one, you know, call it September 1st, 25, 30 kids walk into that classroom, and the teachers with those kids, you know, six, seven hours a day. It takes an incredible amount of time for the teacher to be able to understand who those children are because they're trying to teach curriculum, they're trying to deal classroom, classroom, uh classroom management, all of these things. By the time they actually understand who the kids are, it's already April or May, and they're close to the end of the year, the year ends and it all it starts all over again. So they've come to us and say, hey, we want to use Godmother to really understand who these kids are off the get-go. So if you have a husband or if you have a wife who maybe didn't have the blessing of spending that much time, you know, that's kind of why we created this. It's like, here's a blueprint to kind of really understand. And then when you run into issues or you say, Listen, I I'm a dad, I've got, you know, I've worked long hours, I've got 15 minutes to done with my child. You go back to our platform and say, okay, what are the top three things that are going to be meaningful to this child? And then it's maybe this one needs you to read a book, maybe this one needs you to wrestle, maybe this one needs you to just sit and quiet. You know, I one of my daughters is a uh she always likes to talk at night, um, which drives me insane because at eight o'clock I'm like shut down, I'm done, stores closed, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

But that's like her time to connect, you know, and she always just wants to hang out in my bed and just kind of talk and talk and talk.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

And I'm like, ugh, you know, so so I'm looking for the ways to how do I connect with also not necessarily exhausting myself. So when there is that imbalance, I think it's the the the beautiful gift that the one parent can give the other is to help them understand. I think for the other parent, it has to start from a position of openness and say, I'm open and I want to, you know, I want to learn and try to understand my children better.

SPEAKER_04 39:35

I love that question, Crystal. Um, and Dr. Phil always says, gotta shout out my Dr. Phil, you know, he always says the same-sex parent as children get older is the greatest and most important role model in that child's life. Like it's gonna develop, help develop who they actually are. So I think that um I because I'm a stay-at-home mom too. And I totally understand what Crystal's saying because as my husband is actually a we're in the process, but he's adopting my son. He's known him since he was seven. Like it's his only stable dad, all that good jazz. But as he's gotten older, he went from being like mommy's little boy who always wanted to be on mommy's hip, to now he's like, hey dad, this and dad, that, or like, dad, did you see this TikTok? Check this chick out. Like, and it's like, uh, no, not appropriate. You know, and his dad's like, oh, that's funny. I'm like, no, not appropriate.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Not funny.

SPEAKER_04 40:37

But but he's like, well, you always tell me to connect with them. And I'm like, right, but you still connect within boundaries, like, you know, because he's he has such limited time. Like, there's some days he doesn't get home until nine o'clock at night. My son is very strict, he is going to bed by 9:30. And on most school nights, that kid even at 15, almost 16, is in bed at 8:30.

unknown 41:03

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 41:03

Because he is just over the day.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

And so, but he'll get up out of bed and he'll come see his dad for like a half hour, you know, and his dad and him, they'll talk, they'll watch videos, figure out how school was. If my son has a problem with like a math problem, he goes to his dad because I'm not the one. Um, but that's what they do, you know. And I always tell him, like, you have to make it meaningful, you know, because before they would just kind of like hang out and they would talk about like video games and stuff like that, which is fine. And I think that was kind of important as their relationship grew, and as Ethan grew to be a you know, a bigger teenager and everything like that. But it's like Crystal said, I also think my husband needed somebody there who I understand Ethan. So I he needed somebody there to be like, hey, he's giving you like, yeah, that's cool, that's fine, or yeah, wonderful answers. You need to be intentional.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

There's something deeper, yes.

SPEAKER_04 42:09

Yes, we need to push this a little more. Find something that you guys can actually engage and talk about, you know. And he's like, Well, he's only up for like a half hour, maybe 45 minutes when I get home. I'm like, right, so use it.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

So use it.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

You've got 45 minutes max to use it. So push that boundary, you know, and he's like, Oh, okay. But it would, I would have to pop in and be like, hey, you know, what are we doing? Because sometimes they would revert back to, oh, cool. You know, and so like you but I love what Crystal said because we do know our kids, we stay at home with them all the time, and our spouses work very hard. So it's like you're saying, like, it's kind of like our job to help them understand their kids too, you know, and I think that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Yeah, and it, you know, it's the it is the the world of what we call relational intelligence, you know, and and Crystal, you talked about communication. Um, communication is such a funny thing because what we communicate is not what we say is not always what someone hears. And I think learning that is incredibly important so that what we're actually trying, what we're actually communicating is what gets heard by the other. A parent can push a child on the soccer field because they believe in their potential, but what the child is hearing is I'm not enough, or you know, I'm disappointing my dad. Right now, we obviously can't be neurotic and worry about everything, but we can get insight into kind of what works and how uh how to best communicate in a way that our child or our spouse um best understands.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

And kind of turn it into more of a positive habit, um, and it be easier as time kind of goes on. I love that. I love that. So correct me if I'm wrong, um, but You believe that every child kind of receives things differently, whether it's correction or encouragement, affection, structure, motivation, whatever it is. Um how can parents figure out what actually works for their child instead of using the same parenting approach, right? Because you get on social media, like you said earlier, everybody will tell you something different, right? So how can parents take the time to just honestly understand what's going to work for their child?

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Yeah. So without over, you know, promoting what we've built, but it is one of the reasons why we built it, um, you know, to answer that question, because I I don't think I don't think it's a question of desire for most parents. You know, I always say I don't think any parent wakes up and says, I want to screw up my kid today. Um I think it's often a challenge of perspective, a challenge of like thinking outside of the box. And so the whole purpose of what we built was to take your child's specific assessment, their specific blueprint, and then give you ideas and insight into how to deal with every situation. So when my son is 16, Ethan comes home and says, you know, you say, How was your day? And he says, Fine. I guarantee you there are millions of dads and moms out there who in that moment are saying to themselves, okay, he said, fine, I need to get beyond that, but I don't know how. And that was the purpose of what we built is to then give you three or four or five different ideas. Okay, what can you try now to get past the I'm fine, my day was okay, right? It's not a question of desire for a lot of us. It's a question of just not knowing like what other tools do we have and how do we, how do we, how do we approach this? And so um I think that trial and error is a big one. Um, but in order, in order to try, you need to get ideas. And that was what we were trying to give to parents is is a tool to give them ideas of things that they can try. Um, and then obviously we built the app actually in such a way that it does learn with your child. So once you, you know, once you know what works, you kind of remember that for the future and can try different things. Um, so I think that's the big one, Crystal. And and and it really relationships are all about understanding that the person in front of us sees the world differently. And so we try to get into their shoes and try to do things in a way that's going to get through to them. Um, and so trying different ways uh to communicate, to cross that bridge makes it that much more possible. Uh, we like to say that understanding creates possibility uh is kind of one of our big taglines that we talked about. So you understand the child that creates the possibility of amazing things to happen.

SPEAKER_03 47:06

I love that. I love that so much. Um, and you know, as teenagers, I know you yours is kind of like pre-teen age, but you said you did work with some youth like 12 to 17. So you kind of got a broad range. Um, and I love that. And it seems like you know, sometimes teenagers in the one day they can be in the best mood ever, and they're smiling and talkative and happy go lucky. Maybe the next day they're shut down, they're a little disrespectful, they're they break some rules, they do poor decisions, and we do need to look beneath the behavior and figure it out. Um, and how can you give us a way that we can look beneath the behavior, but not excuse the behavior either?

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Yeah, that's a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

I I can tell you my number one answer is realizing that I'm just like them. I mean, how many let's like let's be honest. How many of you are exactly the same way as your teenager? You wake up one day, you're feeling great, you're on top of the world, the next day you're like, I hate this, let's burn it all down. The difference is the difference is is that we have learned to sort of play ball, and we've learned that I can't go to work and say, I hate this shit, I'm out of here, right? Like we like we can't, even though that's what we feel. So the funny thing is that we feel exactly the same way the teenagers do. It's just they're still in that phase of trying to externalize what it is that they're feeling and trying to actually do something out about it, whereas we've kind of conformed. Now, conform can be a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because we live in a world that has rules. You know, if a police officer pulls me over and I'm in a bad mood, I can't tell them to go to hell. Like it's just not gonna end well, right? And so I teach my kids all the time that we live in a world of gravity that is governed by rules. It's just the way it is. Like, there's no you can be upset about the fact that if you step off of a roof, you're gonna fall and break a leg. You can be upset about it all you want. I have no problem with you being upset about it. But that won't change the reality. Like, just because you're upset, you step off the roof, you're gonna, you're gonna die or you're gonna break something. And so I it's important to teach our kids that regardless of what's happening in their internal world, they live in a world that's just governed by laws. And and I try to take that out of the realm of rules, because rules can be hard because they're like, well, why do we have to have these rules? And I try to take them into the realm of gravity and science first so that they can see like you can hate the fact that I have a curfew for you, but you can also hate the fact that that the sun rises in the morning, but it's still gonna rise. Like, and and and so once once kids I think can understand that it's not just your parents' rules, it's not just the you know authority that we need to, you know, get rid of. It's it's just the reality of the earth we live on, that there are there are rules of laws of physics, and then there are laws that we obey. So that helps them understand that what they hate and what's driving them insane, they can't do anything about in some cases. So that's the that's the um that's the good kind of scenario that that the conformity brings. The bad part of conformity is when we lie to ourselves and we pretend that we actually like going to work when we really hate it. And for me, it's important to help my kids recognize that what they're feeling, it's okay. My kids say they hate school. I'm like, I understand. There are days when I hated school too, and it's okay to hate school. You're still gonna go and you're gonna learn, and I'm gonna try to help you understand why it is that you're going, but it's okay to hate that. And I think that that's powerful as a human because that allows us then to also everything we're talking about, understanding our child, entering into their world, it all has to do with understanding ourselves as well. And we will only be the best parents we can be if we apply the exact same sort of methodology and framework to ourselves, which is David has to first, I teach the taught framework, tolerate, uh, sorry, tolerate, accept, understand, treasure. David first has to tolerate David. I have to second accept David, then I understand David, and then I can treasure David. If I don't live that with myself, I sure as hell I'm not gonna live it with my kids, with my spouse, with others. And so, to your point, Crystal, like you can't excuse the behavior. And I think that's the that's the part that teaching them, and you take it out of yourself. It's like, listen, this isn't, this isn't about me, your parents, making these rules. This is just the reality of the world we live in. And kids can understand that. Kids get it. And especially giving them permission to not having to like it. I'm not saying you have to be okay with it. I'm not saying that you know, I'm not saying that you have to have a smile on your face today. And that's sometimes we try to force our kids into that. It's like, hey, be happy. Why? They're not happy. Like it's okay to be grumpy, you know.

SPEAKER_04 52:21

Ethan this morning when he was getting ready for the bus, he was coming down the street, and he goes, There's hell's yellow limousine. And his dad just busted. I mean, I had coffee almost spewing out of my nose. I'm like, what is wrong with you? He was like, I'm off to hell today. And I'm like, You're gonna do fine. Like, because he has like a test today, and he's like, Who gives tests on Tuesdays? But it was just so funny because he did not want to go to school today. From 5 30 in the morning, he was just he was mad his alarm went off. He was he just all morning, he was trying to convince his dad, he was trying to bargain and make deals with his dad on not going. And then he's like, here's hell's the look yellow limousine. And I'm like, what? You know, but the reality, it's like you said, like, you don't have to like it, but you're going. And it's like when he breaks a house rule or something like that, he you already know what the consequence is. So I I don't I know you don't like it, but it is what it is. Like, if mom has to constantly tell you to do your chores and you don't get your $20 allowance for that week, you only get five or whatever because you weren't on top of it. Sorry, you knew that was gonna happen when you chose not to do your stuff, you know, like and he always goes, My son is so funny. He he always likes to say, Well, this is a democracy, and I did not vote on that. And I always have to tell him, United States of America may be a democracy, honey. You live in this house and it's a dictatorship. Hi, meet the dictator. You know, like and you know the rules, like, so don't step out of line. You know, but it's it's okay because he'll come to me and he'll be like, hey mom, I did forget to do this. And that's okay when he does that. Like, for example, yesterday, he was so busy studying for today's test that he didn't like take up the trash or the recycle. And I mean, he was getting ready for bed and he looked over. He had gotten a glass of water and he looked over and he realized he didn't take the trash from the recycle out. And he goes, Mom, it's raining and it's dark out. I said, Don't worry about it, buddy. Just get it tomorrow. I I know, I know you were sitting here studying, like you're fine. And I'm we won't subtract that from his allowance. Like that was that's not gonna count against him. Like he was actively doing schoolwork, right? And then he was responsible because he acknowledged, hey, I made a mistake, I didn't do my job. Please forgive me. Okay, cool. Mom makes mistakes all the time. Like I caught a pan on fire the other day. I don't know how, but I did. So I get it, dude. Things happen. But I think that's so important what you're saying, is because we don't have to excuse the behavior when they make a mistake or when they break a rule, but at the same time, they have we have to look at the behavior, acknowledge it, and they also have to acknowledge the fact like you knew there were consequences.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 55:34

And I think that's a big thing, but that also comes with communication, like Crystal was saying. If your kid doesn't know that there's going to be consequences, you can't just throw it out there, you know, like family rules, communication. These are all things that are built, you know, as we grow and as our children grow, really. You know, hey, don't hit your sister in the face with the Lego turns into, hey, don't throw the remote at your sister. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

The objects just get bigger, right?

SPEAKER_04 56:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 56:12

I love all of that. Um, I really like your philosophy on a lot of different things, and um, I love your emphasis on really understanding, you know, the kids. And I do have a question though, and um as parents, you know, we sometimes we assume that we know our child did something before we've even asked them, and we assume things, right? Because we think we know or we think we understand, and things can change. So how much do you think us assuming things can damage the connection that we have with our kids, whether they're tiny or or they're turning into young adults?

SPEAKER_01 56:55

Yeah, my my grandfather, uh Polish uh mechanic, uh he was a little rough around the edges, but he always said assuming makes an ass of you and me. Um which I think is uh which I think is a powerful phrase. I mean, and and I I think that it can be incredibly damaging um for anybody that we're in a relationship to assume that we know how they're operating. Um and it takes humility to recognize that we don't always understand the person in front of us um and know how they're doing things. Um and I think it takes a lot of openness to be willing to see what they're actually doing. Um, and I use the example of people looking at an island all the time. You know, it's like if you're all staring at an island and you start describing it to each other, and you know, Crystal's like, wow, I see these beautiful beaches with coconut trees, and uh Kayla's like, I see this amazing lagoon with blue water, and I'm like, y'all are nuts. I see a volcano that's about to erupt, right? And we start arguing about who's right and who's wrong. And Crystal, because you're hosting the the podcast, you're like, David and Kayla, you're both wrong because I'm the one in the position of authority. Like, what gives you the right, you know, to to be um the the the be all end all of truth. And so I think that's that's a that's a key shift for us is that just because we're the parent doesn't make us more right about most things. We have a responsibility, it does give us the responsibility, and I do this in my businesses all the time. Like just because I'm the C whatever, you know, whatever O, whatever letters come before the O, it doesn't make me any more right than others. It just means that I have the responsibility to lead a certain part forward. And it's the same as parents. You know, I'm not more right than my child necessarily. I just have the responsibility of protecting them, helping them, you know, helping them grow. And so, yes, I will make a decision. And so I think that takes a little bit of the fire out of our breath sometimes and the wind out of our sail to say, like, I can't assume that I know what you're thinking, what you're doing, um, because you're just as capable of having the truth as I am. Um, but I do think assuming can be incredibly dangerous. Expectations and assumptions um are the assassins of relationships. Kids with kids, with our spouses, with our friends in workplaces, and with ourselves.

SPEAKER_04 59:37

Yeah, absolutely. And speaking of relationships, one of the big things that we talk about different family structures and so co-parenting, um, where you know, things may have happened, you've split, um, and two parents have two very different personalities and parenting styles. You know, how can they work together without putting that child in the middle and still both having that connection with the child?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

Yeah, I that is a very difficult answer to give. And I would be, you know, I would be lying if I said I have an answer that works for every situation. I think that just you know, every marriage is incredibly unique. And so what's going to work for one where marriage won't work for others. I think that every parenting relationship is unique, and so what works for one isn't other. I think you can only talk about kind of guiding principles and attitudes that that tend to work. Um, I think for me, there are two things. One is your relationship with the co-parent and then your relationship with the child. And like I said, kids know when we're full of shit. And so if we if we try to cover up what the co-parent does and try to excuse it, kids will see through it right away. They they they know it, they may not do anything about it, but they know that we're not being honest.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:09

See, that is so interesting that you say that. So um, Ethan's biological dad, he would miss calls sometimes and things like that when Ethan was little. And I would always tell Ethan, oh, he's busy at work, or when Ethan would try to call him, oh, you know, sorry, buddy, he's working, or you know, whatever. And I and I'm not crapping on him or whatever, because I do think it's important for Ethan to have a relationship with his biological father. Sure. And so does my husband. Like we we do feel like that's important. But when he was younger, I always made excuses. And one day his therapist looked at me and said, Why are you doing that? Why are you forcing him to call? Why are you making excuses when the co-parent doesn't answer? I said, Well, I don't want Ethan's feelings to get hurt, and he needs to call because how else are they gonna have a relationship? We live 1400 miles away, you know? And she's like, he knows how to use the phone, he can call when he's ready. And it's not your job to make an excuse for somebody else because he knows you're lying. So you're breaking your trust with your son for a situation that's not helping. Yes. And I was like, huh. Well then, here I am like, okay, never thought of that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:36

And I think there's ways to get hurt.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:39

Yeah, and you're you know, you're obviously talking about sort of an extreme example where it's like one one parent is absolutely opposite, and those are really difficult. And you know, to your point, you have to you have to preserve your trust with the child. I believe also, though, that you know, to tie this into something we talked about before, when when I see something that my wife does, which I don't even at this point, you know, because this ties into Crystal's assuming, like I don't necessarily assume that my way of doing things is better than my wife's, but you know, we're we're we're you know, we we parent the kids together, right? Um, but if I see something that I don't agree with, I will not condone it, but I also at the same time try to show my kids that I'm not perfect either. And that that helps them too. And so just because so the danger for me is like, okay, he's trying to call his dad and his dad never answers the phone. So dad's the bad guy and mom's the good person. That may or may not be true, but I don't want that to be the lesson that I'm teaching my kids. I want them to make that decision for themselves, and I they make it by them understanding listen, dad, mom has mistakes, mom makes mistakes too, and there's things that I don't get right as well. And so as you grow, you know, you're gonna make your own judgment about your dad and whether you want to call him or not, right? But I don't want it to be from the stance of like mom gets it all right and dad gets it all wrong, because that's not true either, right? So I think it's about helping them navigate and see as best as they can that world, which is understanding, you know, the other parent, that the other parent's not perfect, understanding that I'm not perfect, and then they will start to decide for themselves, you know, what do they want that relationship to look like?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:17

Exactly. And it's like in in my situation, you know, I ended up having to apologize to my son and everything because I didn't realize how damaging it could be for me to be like, nope, it's this day, you need to call your father, you know, like you need to make the effort and things like that. I never once thought, oh, that that's damaging to him. Like I said, I just was trying to encourage the relationship. I thought that was very important. And then it's it's funny because um my sister went through a divorce, and I always tell her, you know, her and her ex-husband, I always tell them, it doesn't matter how you feel. At the end of the day, you guys show up for the baby. You guys show up for his football games.

unknown 1:04:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:00

I don't care if you're bringing your new spouses, whatever. You show up, you sit there, and we're all a united front and we're all cheering for him. Because I I don't care how you feel. Like, you know, his birthday party, we you all better be there and be happy. You know, like you can tomorrow take it down the street if that's what you want to do. But on his birthday, you just flip the hamburgers, okay? You know, because and and I tried, I always thought that because it's like when I was going through my divorce, like Crystal is technically my sister-in-law, you know. So my ex-husband, that's his sister. And I still brought the baby over. And I brought, you know, took him to his mom's house. And I was always, they were at the birthday parties, you know, like I always felt it was very important to always have both sides. That's not every relationship, and I understand that. Um, but I do think that that willingness to co-parent and be open to putting the child first is like one of the main steps. That's what I was getting to. Like you have to put the child's needs and development at the center of it. And then, as like you said, as parents, we make mistakes. But we also have to go, okay, our child needs this from us. How do we obtain it? Whether that's using Godmother to get the ideas to improve communication, which could help with your child and your co-parents. That's what you need to do, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:42

So very true. So very true. At the end of the day, the only person we can change is ourselves. And so it's all about, you know, we have to live in the way that we want to, which means being authentic with our our kids, uh doing the best we can, and um trying to put them in the top spot top top place. We can't control necessarily how the other outcome is, but that's tough, tough, tough, tough dynamics for sure. The challenge of relationships.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:09

Well, we are getting ready to wrap it up. Before we do, though, we have a question that we would like to ask. If every parent listening could change one thing about the way they communicate with their child today that would help the child feel more deeply understood, what would you suggest that be?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:32

Never be afraid to say I don't know and I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:38

Love that. And go ahead and throw out your socials, your websites, anything like that. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:45

We'd love to see everybody. Um our the Godmother as an app is uh available in the app stores. Um we can also find it at angelic.net, a-in-g-e-l-i-c.net, angelic.net. Uh would love to connect. Uh find us on Instagram, uh, AngelicGodmother, or on the website. And yeah, we, you know, even for those who don't use the app, we always say we're we're more than a platform, we're a movement of those who believe that relationships rooted in understanding uh have the possibility to change the world. So uh we're excited to just be with everybody who believes in in building relationships the way that they should be built and seeing the amazing good that can come out of them. But I'm so grateful to have spent time with you, Crystal Kayla. Thank you. Uh it's truly, truly your pleasure.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:33

Absolutely. Well, thank you for coming on. Thank you. We really enjoyed the conversation. I think there's a lot of valuable insight and information for people. Um, and again, you guys check out the app on the app stores, and we're gonna try to have some links to his book and some other resources in our show notes. So make sure to check those out. And again, David, thank you so much for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:59

It's been a pleasure. Peace be with you, Bill. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:01

Uh thank you, you too. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:15

Well, that's it for today, you beautiful caffeinated disasters. If any of this resonated with you, hit that follow button. And if you would, please leave us a review. It really helps other tired moms and dads find the show. And if you want to become a supporter of the show, or just keep us caffeinated so we can keep bringing the chaos every Tuesday, head over to our Buzzsprout page at momsbrain is a coffee stain.buzzprout dot com. Even a couple bucks means the world and helps us keep the coffee and the show flowing. Now you can become a subscriber of the show and get access to new episodes two days early. And don't forget, check us out on social media. You can find us everywhere at mom's brain is a coffee stain. You can also slide into our DMs or email us your best no guilt hacks, cringiest mom moments, episode requests at mom's brain is a coffee stain at Outlook.com. Sorry about that. Head on over, check out David's app, Godmother, available in the Google and Apple app stores. Ready to get more information to understand your child better? Go to David's website, angelic.net, and view all the resources he has and find his book on Collard. Your heart knows the way, relearn how to listen to it. Available on Amazon now. We'll put the links in the show notes. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to tackle some of the never-ending laundry. You guys know how that goes. Well, love y'all. Mean it. Go sip one for us, and we'll see you next Tuesday.